


The 5 Woes of Remus Lupin

by daisiesonice



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 12:18:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5585131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisiesonice/pseuds/daisiesonice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus suffered terribly from fast growing hair, toenails and finger nails. He had to clip them every night or he'd have claws in the morning. He learnt from an early age that, in general, people didn't like claws.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The 5 Woes of Remus Lupin

**Author's Note:**

> Super old fanfic. Transferring old works to my new account on here. Hope you like it :)

1) His furry little problem.

Other children could run around their gardens, eat steak, and growl pathetically without worry. But not Remus Lupin. His furry little problem stopped him from doing all sorts of fun things. For example, he adored well done meat but feared what people would think if he ate it. Would he get fangs if he ate proper steak? Once, he ran in a field for too long and lay in the field. He had an itch by his ear and as he was sitting down, almost automatically, his left foot lifted itself up like a dog paw and scratched the itch, giving him relief. Remus never visited that field again.

2) His chocolate obsession.

It's not just fan girls thinking too much. Remus Lupin was worse than a girl on a period when it came to chocolate. If he could, he'd have it for breakfast, for brunch, for lunch, for dinner, for tea, a midnight snack and just as a random treat. Whether it is white chocolate, milk chocolate or dark chocolate or maybe even a mix of all 3, Remus Lupin really wasn't picky. Hot chocolate was good too. Now, hot chocolate while dunking a chocolate chip biscuit was heaven. Even better if the hot chocolate had those little, sugary mini marsh mallows floating around, they were terribly yummy.

3) His…embarrassing…crush

Not only was she related to his old friend but she was far too young. For goodness sakes, he was considering arresting himself as a paedophile just to get over it. She was everywhere! She even turned up at his flat at random moments just to tell him the latest gossip or have a deep conversation or comfort him about his woes. It wasn't fair. She was pretty, she was clumsy, and she was just far too adorable for her own good. The woman was driving him nuts. So he avoided her as much as he could. Which wasn't much due to owl post, floo powder, tracking charms and their similar circle of 'friends'. So called 'friends' who kept encouraging him to make a move. Speaking of said 'friends'…

4) His 'friend' Padfoot

In Remus's opinion, 12 years in Azkaban had changed Sirius and not in a good way. No, he was slightly more bonkers than he was before. He hadn't told Sirius his humble opinion, of course. Remus Lupin was miserable at best but certainly not suicidal.  
  
Besides, if he died then Lily would whack him one for leaving Harry behind. Padfoot had a habit of tossing his dirty clothing into the fireplace, throwing floo powder onto it and shouting a random address for laughs. The clothes would be delivered to the address. Sometimes they were returned quickly, sometimes washed, cleaned and returned too. That's probably why he did it, so he didn't have to wash his own clothes. Cleaning spells weren't his forte and they were effort.  
  
On a few occasions (such as the time Sirius sent his clothes, including underwear to Severus Snape) a rude note was sent back in reply. 'To the mutt, please keep your filthy rags to yourself. I had included a sickle in order to compensate any losses as I have burnt all articles of the disgusting, smelly, rancid rags. Please go and buy yourself some more, you miserable bastard.'

5) His nails

Remus suffered terribly from fast growing hair, toenails and finger nails. He had to clip them every night or he'd have claws in the morning. He learnt from an early age that, in general, people didn't like claws. He doubted woe number 3 liked claws. She'd be very kinky if she did-

"Oh, Merlin. Get your head out of the gutter."


End file.
